Dave's Diary

November 2007

Hello everybody,

It’s Dave here.  Back again.  Boy, it’s been a full-on few months since last we spoke.  The biggest news from me is that I’ve been out of action after an accident at Ric’s farm.  I very cleverly ran into a pipe that was sticking out of the ground & impaled myself.  It HURT!  The pipe went straight through my chest & hit some of the nerves that control my leg.  I’ve been limping for weeks now, which isn’t such a great look for a media star like me.  It’s getting better though & I’ll be running around as usual before too long.  Don’t tell Ric, but I have found that if I pull my very sad face, he feels sorry for me & gives me treats.  What a scam!  The other big news around the Hospital is that we held our first ever Gala Dinner a couple of weeks back.  Boy, was it a great night!!  Of course, I was there & they had a red carpet laid out especially for my arrival.  It’s about time I got the full star treatment, don’t you think?  There were so many people there, including our beautiful Ambassador Giaan Rooney, and all of them were dressed up in their finest clothes.  The food was excellent, the entertainment was great, we raised a fantastic amount of money for Lort Smith & let everybody know all about the wonderful work that we do here at Lort Smith … well, it’s mostly me that does all the work, but you have to pretend to give other people the credit sometimes…

I hope that everybody is enjoying the run up to Christmas.  Not long to go now.  I wonder what I’ll find in my Christmas stocking this year … food, I hope.

Dave.

August 2007

Apologies to all my fans for being out of touch for a while. Gee it’s tough at the top. My life seems to have been one continuous round of media performances, press interviews and photo shoots.  Occasionally other stories come along which push me off the front page. But I’m an old stager now and know that pretenders will come and go, whilst I’m there forever.

 There was those young springer spaniels fostered by two of our fabulous staff, Nadine and Tracey. Yes, yes, photo’s in the Herald Sun and 500 phone calls from people wanting to permanently adopt them. So what! That’s history now and you’ll never hear about them ever again. One Hit Wonders!

Meanwhile I just sit back in the boss’ office listening to the phone calls and watching his pc….all those emails! What did people do before computers? ……Got with the job, that’s what I say. Exchanging emails is just an excuse for not doing real work, like feeding me. Come to think of it I’m due a meal right now. I’ll go and put my head on his lap.  He always falls for that. He might be a CEO, but I’ve got him exactly where I want him to be. What’s that phone message?...........another TV appearance. Ok I’ll head off to make up immediately after I’ve been fed. I can’t perform on an empty stomach.

Dave.

April 2007

Gosh time flies when you’re having fun.

I’m still recovering from the Annual General Meeting here at Lort Smith Animal Hospital yesterday!  There were so many people here that I could hardly move!  And everyone said really nice things about how much the hospital was developing—which of course I masterminded, AND—everyone celebrated now that we’ve got DGR status (Deductible Gift Recipient).

I kept thinking they’d offer me some of their sandwiches, but no, I still keep getting these pats! (although one person did give me a VERY nice back rub!)  You know as a veteran dog of many years, it is great to be acknowledged with a back massage.  People often forget how vitalising this is—and today I feel like a pup!  Just as well, coz it takes a lot of time to type this up on Ric’s computer.

As I mentioned earlier, as well as being a PR icon, I’m also the cat-tester. If they want to know how a particular cat gets on with dogs, they put the cat in front of me to see how it will react.  I’m beginning to realise I am a very good actor with lots of potential.  I can play scared, calm, or aloof. But do they realise my huge acting ability? NO!  Do they put me in films? NO!  I don’t even get a look-in when it comes to socialising kittens!  You see, they’ve set up this Foster-a-Kitten program and I thought they’d introduce ME to the kittens, but no! They give all those little creatures to volunteers who will foster them until they are ready to be adopted. 

Ric says I’m needed for other things but I’m beginning to wonder.  They’ve got this PALS program where owners and their dogs get to visit hospitals or go see people who can’t move around a lot.  I mean, I could do that!  I’ve watched the dogs being assessed for the program and I would pass with flying colours!!! 

I’ve got to admit though as much as I complain about not getting all the media attention I deserve, or not getting to star in all the action, I guess I’m really  lucky to be able to keep an eye on Ric all day, instead of  sitting at home waiting for his return. 

Woops, got to go, Ric’s having an interview with a film crew and I want to look my best.

December 2006

So this is what Christmas is all about. Ric, (the CEO who thinks he’s my boss, but actually it’s the other way round), going off to all these functions and dragging me along as if I’m some ornament. Yes, all these people know me, say good things about me and constantly pat me on the head. Why do humans think patting on the head is such good fun. We dogs should try it on them some time and see what they think.  Anyway I’m getting all this praise, but do I get any of this Christmas tucker?...... no chance. They munch away on their marinated chicken legs, looking at me and not even a crumb of Christmas pudding do I see.

Now our resident nutritional vet. Dr. Sasha Herbert (you’ve probably heard her on ABC Radio Saturday mornings…..trying to steal my media thunder), says that dogs and cats are particularly vulnerable during the festive season….because humans think it’s a treat to give their pets something off the bulging Christmas lunch table, and she says it can be very dangerous for us. It’s alright for her she doesn’t have to face bowl after bowl of dried biscuits everyday. Anyway she’s written a book, due to be published in 2007 with tasty treats specially designed for pets. I can’t wait!

This Christmas, Ric has exploited our relationship by putting me on the front of his Christmas card. Did I get a say in this? NO!! There I am for all and sundry to see propped up on fireplaces, hanging on bits of stupid tinsel, paraded around the nation’s living rooms, with absolutely no authority given to copyright of my image or discussion of intellectual property. He just assumes he has the right to do it cos he’s the CEO! Well have no fear, I get my own back.  Every morning at 5am, there I am at his bedside licking his snoring face and giving him the impression I’m crossing my legs and bursting for a widdle. He has no choice but to drag himself out of his slumber and take me down to the beach. On Christmas Day I’m going to get him up even earlier. He’ll probably see the tail end of Santa through the sleepy haze. I’ll enjoy that.

Finally let me wish all my readers a fantastic Christmas and New Year and be very careful in what you give to your best friends cos. whatever we say, proper dog or cat food is really the best thing for us. (Unless you’re a bird!)

Dave.

October 16th 2006

Gdday to all my fans,

Life continues to be hectic with more photo shoots and interviews. The latest is the Lort Smith Calendar, which I share with eleven of my colleagues. It’s good to share the glory a bit. I’m “July, a very important month of the year.

Now what was all that “Blessing of the Animals” about? I know October the 4th is St Francis Day as well as World Animal Day. I know it’s vital to acknowledge the importance of animals in the world, particularly dogs, But what was all that “hand on my head stuff” with some human dressed up in a white nightie? I’m more into real action. St Francis was right when he said “Not to hurt our humble brethren is our first duty to them, but to stop there is not enough. We have a higher mission – to be of service to them wherever they require it”.

Hang on, I’ve just realised the chic in the white nightie must have been our new Chaplain. She grabbed some of the media glory from me for a while, with stories in The Age, the Herald Sun and on Telly. So as well as giving us animals the occasional ‘magic touch’, she’s there to help and support humans who are upset about one of us going on to the great kennel in the sky. I see it now, the two are inextricably (I’ve been catching up on the dog dictionary) linked. As Abraham Lincoln said “I care not much for man’s religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it”.

I’ve just seen the latest Lort Smith Newsletter and am penning my letter of complaint to the Board right now. I bypass Ric, the CEO, just to keep him on his toes. He’ll complain cos. he’ll say that’s not good governance. I can hear him say it “The Board of Directors determines the policy and the staff, under his direction implements it”. He’s such a bore. Anyway, I’m furious. This is the first Newsletter since I’ve been around that I’m not included. How can that be? It’s like reporting on Australian cricket without mentioning Ricky Ponting. Go on take a look at the Newsletter on this Website. You’ll share my disgust and boycott the next AGM, unless there’s a serious change. Fancy putting those stumpy tail lizards on the front cover! There’s probably some graft and corruption going on. I’ll get my spies working on it.

In disgust,

Dave.

August 28th, 2006

This is just a rushed note in between all my media commitments. . . what with interviews for the Age, the Herald Sun and Adore magazine, TV shoots for Channels 9 and 10, photo sessions for magazines far and wide, life is very hectic. I’m coping with fame reasonably well but being approached on my daily walk by dogs and people is a bit much. Why does everyone want my pawograph?

I was a bit put out the other day when that “Lester” tried to steal some of my thunder. I know that his friend, Giaan Rooney, takes a much better photograph than Ric (Lort Smith’s CEO) but I was there first: still there are no hard feelings as Lester is a good friend and Giaan a ‘star’ for our hospital’s cause.

What really did upset me the other day was seeing some very funny creatures in the hospital – now lizards and snakes are not my idea of cuddly creatures. But I suppose it takes all creatures great and small, and so long as they stay in their own newly set up Exotic Creatures Unit, I wont bother them if they don’t bother me.

Must go I’m expecting an international call from the BBC.

Dave

August 1st, 2006

Life is pretty good right now. I jump in the back of Ric’s car every weekday and stroll into the office with him. He rushes around he hospital checking things out. He talks to huge numbers of people in his office, on the phone and by that awful email. Meanwhile I just sit there.

I walk around the staff room. After all I’m as much a member of staff as they are. When did they last get a full page in the Herald Sun or special features on Channel Nine and Ten? I am the face of the Lort Smith Hospital and should be rightly recognised as such.

As well as being a PR Consultant I’m also the cat tester. If a prospective cat adopter wants to know how a particular cat gets on with dogs, I’m there. I’ll sniff a bit and pretend to look a bit nervous before giving them the nod of approval to the satisfaction of everybody concerned.

At weekends I trot off to Ric’s farm at Yea to stretch the legs and chase the ocassional cockatoo. I never get anywhere near them and wouldn’t know what to do if I did.

Yes life at the Lort Smith suits me big time.

I’ll be reporting in from time to time.

Dave.